I know I have been MIA for months now and you don’t know how many times I have tried writing this blog post. I’ve been through so many changes these past few months that I’m unsure where to even begin. Let me try to catch you up.
Back in April, I lost my stay-at-home job and also ended a relationship I’ve been in for two and a half years. Starting a new job where I wasn’t at home all the time anymore and breaking up with someone I have been with for almost three years felt like I was living and breathing in a different world. I lost my sense of stability.
I was being harassed for a couple of months after that relationship and when that was happening I also had to stop going to the gym I’ve loved going to for almost two years for a different reason. I lost my routine. I can’t lie and say that the harassment from my ex did not get to me either. I was sad. I was angry. I was scared. I felt like parts of me shut down and one of the reasons I stopped blogging was because of that. I was afraid to put any of my work out there. I lost my creativity.
I lost stability, I lost routine, I lost creativity. I pretty much lost myself. Feeling like I have lost all these things made me less confident, perhaps that is why I stopped doing some of the things I used to love doing. I’m trying to find parts of me in the hobbies that I enjoy–photography, drumming, makeup, fashion, scrapbooking, writing. I’m trying to do what I love without thinking of what others may think. With that being said, this blog will just be my creative space of anything I want it to be! My photography, my makeup looks, body positivity posts, drumming videos, scrapbooking photos, poems….I want to do it all without fear and without trying to please everyone for constant validation.
So let me reintroduce myself. My name is Monica.
You will just have to figure out the rest when I do.